What To Do When A Guy Goes Ghost
It’s been over a year since I met and exchanged numbers with Tom* (name as been changed) and yet we only got together for the first time this past week when I took a little drive out to go have dinner and attempt to get to know him a little bit better. Having heard things about him, I did my best to not form my opinion about him until we got to talking, and let me say that I’m glad I didn’t. He was every bit of the southern gentleman I thought he would be, and I was surprised at just how well we got along… I enjoyed his company and I found we have more in common than I expected. After dinner and some long overdue one-on-one time, I left feeling good. I was eager for a second date, and I hoped to continue this momentum. However, things didn’t really follow through as I had hoped; after some back and forth texting on the day after our date, I haven’t heard from him since. Damn. What went wrong? I thought we had a great time, why go ghost on me?
Funny enough, I was reading a magazine this weekend and came across an article that gave me some insight on why men go ghost at various stages of a relationship (even as soon as after a couple of dates) as well as some advice on what you should do in response to his actions. I have outlined the major points below, enjoy!
He Disappears After A Couple Of Dates
WHY he does it? Craziness in his work schedule, he is under the impression that you’re not into him, or maybe he’s just not interested.
WHAT should you do? Hit him up… let him know your interested, but if you don’t get a enthusiastic response within 24 hours, delete his info. It’s advised that you never put in more than you’re getting at the beginning. If he is interested, he will make an effort.
***This is what I have done with Tom…. Not saying I’m deleting his info, but I’m most certainly not hitting him up anymore. Why waste my time on someone who clearly isn’t as interested in me as I thought? No love lost, on to the next.
He Pulls The Slow Fade After A Few Months
WHY he does it? At this stage of the game, a “switch” occurs. The chase is over, he’s gotten you, and he may begin to pull back and reassess if he really wants this.
WHAT should you do? It’s advised that if you like this guy and want to try to salvage things, your best plan of attack is to back off and do you. Let him know you aren’t waiting around for him and you have a busy schedule of your own. If he calls to make plans, remain warm and friendly and politely decline or offer to reschedule. He will realize you have a lot going for you and he wants to be a part of it too.
He Acts Weirdly Distant After A Year Of Dating
WHY he does it? This is the time in a relationship when men begin to question whether or not they want to be with you long-term. If he is unsure and has no idea how to deal with the confusion, he is likely to stop being as emotionally open to you and begin acting less affectionate.
WHAT should you do? Reassure him that you feel like you two have something good, and acknowledge that he may be overwhelmed. After that, take a step back; the right man will reinvest in the relationship, and if not… it’s time to take a break. Let him know you’ll be open to hearing from him if his feelings change, but you can’t make any promises. It sucks to let go of someone you have invested so much time and energy into, but you have to make sure to have your own best interests at hand.
Hopefully the next time a man goes ghost on you, it turns out to be a big misunderstanding and he eventually gets his act together and things work out. If not, don’t sweat it. You have a lot to offer and if he can’t take advantage of you offering yourself and your time to him, than fuuuuck him. Ain’t no one pressed. You will be good booboo, let this one go.
Source: February 2012 Issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine; Expert Advice From Jenn Berman, PhD, Host of The Love and Sex Show With Dr. Jenn on Cosmo Radio and Seth Meyers, PhD, author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription.