The Infamous DTR Conversation…
These probing questions replay in my head all day and I can’t help but think “What ARE we doing?”…Him and I… are we together? Are we en route to being together? Are we just “talking” and testing the waters out? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE?! Being the closet commitment-phobe I am, I find myself battling all types of feelings; I obviously like him and want to eventually take things to the next level, but I also am not necessarily eager to rush the process of labeling our relationship this very second.
While being someone’s “girlfriend” initially scares me, I admit that I wouldn’t mind taking on the title and the increased duties and responsibilities that come along with it if he was on board to grow together and be serious about where this might lead to. However, eliminating that pressure on him, I can more than fully enjoy where we are at currently….as long as I see progress being made as time goes on. Just because we aren’t rushing into something super serious, doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be substantial developments; I’m certainly not trying to waste my time.
Now that I have committed myself to doing the best I can and being the best girl-friend I can be, I have become comfortable in my decision on where I hope this will go. The only problem arises in attempting to have this talk with him. Of course men, being as un-confrontational as they are, HATE to hear the line “can we talk”. I definitely do not want to scare him off by bringing this type of topic up, but I think it is important to establish where we are, where we might be heading, and…what the fuck his ass is thinking! No bullshit, I would be happy bringing this up and him telling me “baby, we good” and leaving it at that…I just want…well, NEED… SOMETHING. I hate to feel like I am wasting my time, energy, and emotions on someone who, even though he may like me, may not be feeling it the way I am, or at least not at the present time.
I say all of this because I have recently seen myself begin to shy away from my usual relationship tendencies (which include my attitude problem when things do not necessarily go my way) in order to make it easier on him; compromise is going to be a huge part of US and I have been doing all I can to ensure a smooth adjustment to the slight distance between us, our hectic schedules, as well as the personal lives we both hope (and I would expect) to maintain. As I see these changes in myself, I have yet to see some in him and this is something that leaves me skeptical and obviously questioning things. Forced to contemplate our situation, I am wondering if this is something worth bringing up to him; I don’t want it to come off the wrong way and I most certainly don’t want him thinking I’m expecting the world, but a little effort and reciprocity would be nice. And he may surely be in the same boat as me, but if he isn’t vocal about it (even about the good things), then how will I know??
At the end of the day, it should be really simple for him. I’m (not to brag) probably one of the best people you could pick to be in a relationship with. Not only do I have my own life and friends (as to not sweat you constantly), but I also love VERY hard and will always sacrifice in order to make sure things work…..as long as I know you’re in it with me. Being attentive to my needs (which are minimal), checking on me throughout the day, and just letting me know how you feel is all I ask in return. I’m not selfish, but I deserve enough of your attention to make me feel justified in dedicating this much emotional willpower and energy to do these things…which I feel is only for the betterment of US as a collective unit… I want to be his support and one of his closest friends.
I have decided that if I am going to treat this relationship differently from those in the past, then I have to address this with him now instead of harboring my feelings and HOPING he will pick up on it. I cannot expect him to accommodate me the way I would like unless I give him the opportunity to become fully aware of what I’m going to need from him. Every relationship is different, and every one you get involved with is going to have different needs than the one previous to them. Continuing to be open and positive with him is all I can do, and I know he appreciates me for that. It’s scary to think that there is a SLIGHT chance that he is completely in disagreement with what I’m thinking, but that’s a chance I have to take… if it’s meant to be, it will be.