The Baby Mama Card.
Last week while chilling with a couple of friends (one of which is my regular booty call) I made some joke/comment/statement and my favorite piece of ass said “Whoa… don’t you start… I don’t want to have to revoke your baby mama card!!” Excuse me? My what? Not only was I initially elated (although I hid it well) that he would even think to give me one of those, but then I actually processed the idea of exactly what it meant and proceeded to think about the men in my life who I would bless with a “baby daddy card” of their own….and let’s just say, it’s only looking good for the aforementioned…at least for the time being.
So what constitutes someone deserving a BDC (baby daddy card)? Well first off, if we aren’t together, yet I would have a child with you, that speaks volumes about your ability to not only take care of this child financially but also be a critical part of his/her life. No body wants to have a child with someone who is incompetent and unable to provide all the necessary moral life lessons that come along with being a positive male role model in a child’s life. Second, I would have to be able to be physical with you (enough to get pregnant) yet have the ability to remove any significant feelings (as to not get hurt or jealous if either of us were to eventually find significant others) while maintaining a strong friendship and respect for you.
This thought led me to what seems to be a popular topic of conversation that I happen to always stumble upon: Single people who decide it is the right time in their lives to have a child and decide to ask someone to procreate with them without entering into a relationship. I have found that this practice is becoming more and more common, particularly as we begin to get older and grow increasingly more relationship-impatient. Sometimes waiting for “the one” seems like a daunting task that, honestly, may or may not happen.
What’s puzzling to me about all of this is that that same man who talks about me (and I’m sure others) having a baby mama card seemed to be SOOOO against the casual parenting situation. I was surprised he scoffed at this idea because he is definitely in the age range (about to hit the big 4-0 in a year) where it’s about to be now or never for him if he is going to have his first child; let’s face it…even though men can have children at almost any age, there comes a point where you’re just too old to participate in activities and fully appreciate raising your child. I wonder what makes him think that he is going to fall in love, marry, and have a child in such a short period of time; it’s fuckin crunch time for his ass…and I think he realizes that the clock is ticking.
Of course, we all want that ideal fairy tale storyline, but I think it is safe to say that in today’s world, it’s pretty rare for things to pan out that way. More importantly, at what point do you give up on your quest for love and attempt to fulfill your desire to have children? And when you decide that this is truly what you want to do, what is the process you undertake to go about finding the right person to help you achieve your goal?
My argument for this is simple: If two people have a good friendship, are ready to be parents, and are physically attracted/intimate, then GO FOR IT! I think that it is ok to enter into a parenting relationship with someone if you are BOTH at the point in your life where that is logically the next step and can approach it in a mature manner. Everyday we see failed relationships involving children that become dramatic situations filled with bickering and tension surrounding the child. Why not have enter into a peaceful situation in which two people have mutually agreed to parent together and provide in the best way possible for their child? Of course you can argue against this in many ways (how would the child’s time be divided? Will the male influence be strong if he/she is living with the mother? What will this say to society/the child? Etc.), but it just might work given the right pair of folks.
As societal norms continue to evolve, topics like this are becoming increasingly popular and are worth a second look. We have come to a point where we will have to become more accepting of these types of relationship situations because traditional relationships will continue to become a thing of the past… and frankly, there is nothing wrong with that, they are not for everyone. I encourage you to bring this topic up with your friends and see where they stand; I promise you’ll find it makes for an interesting discussion.
I also encourage you to consider the people you are currently fucking….if you couldn’t give them a baby mama or baby daddy card now, then you probably shouldn’t be fucking them. Think about it…