Signals More Mixed Than I Am.
A little background on it: It was your typical scenario; girl meets boy, boy appears to be a good guy, girl books guy, girl and guy hang out, hit it off, girl goes to visit boy for a weekend, weekend a success, boy comes into town and makes plans to see girl. These events, in addition to some very sweet little texts, got me amped for his visit. Of course, I try to not put all of my eggs in one basket/ repeatedly tell myself that he’s probably an asshole and I shouldn’t make any plans to get too attached. This time it was different. Sometimes you just get that feeling. I knew within the first five minutes of meeting him that he had a good soul; I wanted to spend more time with him and see what made him tick.
Once you get THAT feeling, all of your principles and life lessons seem to go by the wayside. My instincts (aka my tendency to be a bitch, never chase a man, keep my walls up, etc.) disappeared and I immediately found myself smitten and trying to maintain composure, as to not scare him off of course. It had appeared that we were hitting it off and I could already feel myself getting excited for his pending visit.
Although a visit initially intended for business, I was informed that there would be plenty of time to hang out and continue building on what we had started. After a crazy weekend with his boys the previous week for a friend’s birthday, he made it pretty clear to me that his body had had enough and there was no intention on going out while here in DC. All this sounded great to me(!!!!!!)…that is, until he got here.
Having already decided to keep my weekend pretty clear (not like that was hard, nothing exciting ever happens), my anticipation began to grow by the minute at the thought of FINALLY (after a couple of weeks) getting some boo time. Well, all of those butterflies were short-lived Friday night. Of course I was eager to see him, but I was successful in chilling the fuck out, waiting patiently until I heard from him first (I’ll never sweat no man).
When I finally did hear from him (thinking it was going to be a “Whatcha doin? Come see me!” text) and the message I received basically said that he was “trying to decide if he was going to go out or not”. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE?!?! Go out?? Word?! I coulda SWORN that wasn’t the plan. Was I delusional? Weren’t we supposed to be hanging out? Did I do or say something wrong? Was all of this made up in my head? More importantly, would he rather go to the club than chill with me? Should I be offended?!?!?! All of these questions raced through my head as I sent my generic “Have fun with that! Hope to see you soon” response.
I tried to swallow my pride and brush it off like nothing had happened, but I have to admit, I was a little upset. I, uncharacteristically, let my guard down, thinking we were hitting it off and then this happens unexpectedly. Of course, I didn’t think that him going out this one night meant I wouldn’t see him at all for the duration of the weekend, but the fact that from our dialogue I gathered that we’d be hanging out, and we didn’t, made me quit on him. I spent the rest of the weekend hoping I’d hear from him, but nope…NOTHING. He didn’t hit me up at all. How much does that suck?! I, drunkenly, sent a little text (nothing extreme) last night…but to no avail. How strange. How we went from sicing his visit to me not even seeing him I’ll never know. What I do know is that I really like(d) him and this whole episode through me for quite the loop.
Where do I (/we) go from here? Still haven’t heard anything from him, and at this point I am no longer going to try to send anymore texts. I worry that I scared him off, but I can’t help but stand firmly in my belief that the only reason I acted as such was because of how he was acting. Clearly this was a case of signals being mixed, yet also cements my justification for always being an asshole to men when I meet them (or at least until they prove themselves), not to mention my overwhelming desire to remain single. Can’t lie though, the thought of getting close to someone again, particularly someone as sweet and pleasant as him, felt nice. Not sure where it all went awry, but it did.
One can only hope that there is some incredible explanation for all of this (/hopefully its all in my head). Maybe I will hear from him, maybe I won’t. One thing I DO know for sure is I don’t feel bad for letting my guard down… for once. These sort of things are bound to happen when you put yourself out there and make yourself available to change, especially in your love life. I can safely say that I kept it 100 the entire time and feel comfortable in all of the decisions I made along the way; its actually a lot easier to go with the flow and be happy than to fight how you feel for fear of being hurt or let down (I guess I failed this time because I was definitely let down). Maybe I should open up more often….well, maybe not all that… but I guess it couldn’t hurt every now and then….they can’t possibly all be like this one….