Sex On The First Date? You May Want To Wait 30 Days…

Posted Jul 24, 2012 by Freshhh in Dating








Historically, sex on the first date should be a no-no if your goal is to develop a full-on dating relationship.  We have all heard the saying “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” and that’s how many men feel about those females that give it up too soon; why further invest time and money when they already got the panties? But, while many women crave a relationship and agree that sex on the first date may be too soon, they all struggle to find the answer to one question: If not now, then when?!

The debate surrounding the topic of sex on the first date has remained the same for decades, if not longer, and many modern-day women now find themselves having to make a choice: Do you hold out sexually in hopes of the first date developing into more or do you fulfill your sexual needs and give in to the temptation? What a hard choice… especially if you’re currently in a dick drought.  Personally, I have taken both routes, and I believe it depends on the situation and where you see the relationship going in the future… or if it is even going to make it that far.

But ladies, there may be an answer as to when the best time is to give ‘em the goods while not necessarily having to jeopardize the emotional side of things… in fact, you may even be able to enhance the feelings in the process. Usually we assume that women are more emotionally attached to sex than men are, however that may not be the case. Check this out….

According to research done for the book Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray, by Maxwell Billieon and Ray J, men are the most vulnerable during the first thirty days of getting to know a woman. When sex is mixed at the right time, chemicals react inside of a man and it causes a reaction with their dopamine supply. Dopamine, also known as “the pleasure potion” is some lethal shit; for those of you who are about that cocaine life, it’s the same chemical coke affects in the human body. Males, who are said to have about 500% more of it than women, use dopamine as the signal of extreme pleasure. If you can find the right time to align your man’s head and body in pleasure, the experience will leave him associating you with such gratifying feelings.

But when is the right time?

Surely not the first date.  Research shows that because men need to feel special, getting the panties too soon tells them that your easy and probably fuckin every man who buys you dinner (unfortunately, some of you are).  However, if two people are dating regularly, somewhere around the third or fourth date is the perfect time to catch a man when he is most vulnerable; think 3-4 weeks into a relationship, with great communication and 1 solid date a week. A month may seem like a long time for some of you, but it may actually work out to your advantage.

Now for the MEN who contemplate first date sex: Don’t worry, you aren’t alone… research shows that 20% of young American men have sex on the first date. Ever wonder what smashing shawty on the first date means for you? Well the same research states “statistically, the 20% are less well-educated, consider themselves a bit more attractive and are slightly more depressed than the average man in the study.” This is also an indicator of those males who value a short-term fix instead of the long-term reward. The more sexual partners a man has had, the more likely he is to quickly perceived diminished attractiveness in a woman after the first time he’s had sex with her. You know…the “damn, I coulda sworn she was hotter before” syndrome.

That being said, men who get into the habit of fucking (or trying to fuck) on the first date may be more inclined to cheating. “Many will say, ‘when I get ready to settle down I’m going to take things more slowly,’” says Dean Busby, Ph.D., whose work studying thousands of singles and couples has produced relevant and timely data. “Unfortunately, some of our more recent research seems to suggest that the patterns that develop in young adulthood, and their relational consequences, can’t just be turned off or avoided once a person decides it is time to marry. Every relationship we have, however brief and insignificant, influences every other relationship we have, and the patterns that we repeat across relationships become very difficult to change.”

Some men argue that they prefer to test drive the car before they begin the investment to purchase it. However, research also concluded that while many believe that couples who do not test out sexual chemistry before commitment should have shorter, more unhappy relationships, Dr. Busby and his colleagues at Brigham Young University were unable to make this connection in a study of more than 2,000 couples. People with good sexual chemistry early on did not stay together longer. He explained his results as such: “The mechanics of good sex are not particularly difficult or beyond the reach of most couples, but the emotions, the vulnerability, the meaning of sex and whether it brings couples closer together are much more complicated to figure out.”

On your next first date, think twice about rounding third base with your date. If you are truly interested in the potential of a more serious relationship (which, over the age of 24, y’all should be), take things a little slower for a couple of weeks and then take a dip. A couple of weeks really isn’t a lot of time, especially with 1-2 dates per week. That’s light work. It’s time to switch ya focus; The mental and emotional relationship you develop will only heighten the physical pleasure of the sex anyway. It’s a win-win for everyone.


MEN: Another interesting read… First Date Sex: Why You Should Pass


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    You’ve written a very interesting article. Another reason to wait is you don’t know the person’s sex history. Waiting 3-4 weeks after going steady will give time for you to request a health check before you give up your goods.


    I would wait longer than that. Sometimes, if you wait long enough, you discover you don’t want to sleep with him. LOL


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