Resentment: We Have GOT To Do Better…
I feel like every day I find myself shaking my head (usually in disgust) at a majority of the things I see people do, hear them say, or see them post on various social media outlets. Well, yesterday was no different. A friend of mine called me out of the blue to inform me that my ex, whom I broke up with in June, is already expecting a child with someone else. Aside from me shaking my head, I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that the leaves on the trees hadn’t even begun to change color and this fool had already impregnated someone else. Now, if you know me, you’d know that I really couldn’t care less about this simply because he def tried it with me and obvi I wasn’t having it, which was probably a main reason why we broke up. I think what boggles my mind the most is the fact that this man really needed that much self-validation and dependency of a woman that he couldn’t even wait to be with anyone for any substantial amount of time before knocking her up and claiming to be a “proud daddy to be” on instagram.
The question I pose is: How the hell can anyone take you seriously when they knew you were dating and about to cohabitate with me six months ago but are now expecting a child with someone else?
Aside from making him look like a complete fool, the fact that some female, who probably has nothing going for herself either, fell for this shit and will be stuck dealing with this overly-dependent Piscean man for the rest of her life because of the fact that they share a child (regardless of their relationship status). How can women be so stupid? Of course, he has money and a couple of homes, drives you around in hundred thousand dollar cars and buys you designer items, but is that really what defines life or your happiness? The fact that she couldn’t possibly have been with this man for more than six months and is now expecting his child should be embarrassing for her, regardless of who he is, what he does, or how much money she now thinks this entitles her to. The fact that your man is going around claiming to be a “proud” father, posting sonogram photos on instagram and not even @’ing the owner of the womb is shameful. What have we, as 25-30 year-olds, come to when this is how we go about “bragging” of our accomplishments?
Am I bitter? Nah. Am I happy for him? Sure. None of this directly affects me. All I can say is I’m glad I dodged that bullet. Not only will I still have this fabulous body in nine months, I will also be a few months away from a Masters Degree and on my way to running the world. There, I’ll find someone who truly appreciates me for me and not for my child-making capabilities. Women need to understand that you’re really worth much more than some men lead you to believe. Not saying that this woman isn’t accomplished, because she certainly may be, but the fact that she’s not even a year into a relationship, unmarried, and knocked up really cannot be what she imagined it would be when she was a child sitting in her room playing house.
On top of that, men need to be careful about running around trying to have children and getting themselves into a “baby mama” situation that will probably end in dramatic ways they never saw coming. Be patient, find love, embrace that love, then use it to create another person between the two of you. Stop craving the validation and recognition of these milestones without the nurture they truly need to flourish years down the line. Finding women to be dependent on you for everything, then using them to create children and further trap them is mind-boggling to me. Relationships, parenthood, and love should never feel like enslavement. Where I did love my ex and could of seen myself married to him and having his children in a few years, his overbearing desire to do it all today, this minute, right now without giving me the chance to even think about pursuing my dreams was a huge red-flag for me. Of course, to each, his own, but still… I didn’t want to be with someone who would end up making me resent him down the road when I was pregnant, hormonal, and pissed off that I didn’t get a chance to fulfill my dreams or live my life.
I feel like when you are with someone, you two should take the time to not only get to know each other, but help each other pursue the goals and dreams you each wish to pursue. You should spend time building your bond, traveling, and getting educated about new things together, especially before you bring a child into the equation. A child is not a pet, it’s a person. Not being ready, both individually and as a coupled unit, can make that entire parenting experience a mess not only for the two of you but for the child as well. You owe it to yourself and that child to be going into the situation providing the best you you can be.
Jada Pinkett-Smith recently took to her Facebook page to share some words of wisdom on how relationships, love, and parenthood shouldn’t feel like enslavement. She stated:
Marriage should not feel like enslavement.
Motherhood should not feel like enslavement.
Fatherhood should not feel like enslavement.
Being a child should not mean you have no rights of any kind.
Loving of any kind should not feel like a ball and chain.
Let’s check in on our lives and make sure we are not creating psychological chains of slavery in our own homes.
She also went on to write in another post:
I think one of the worst atrocities we can commit on people we say we love is to steal their dreams through our overbearing expectations. Whether we steal dreams consciously or unconsciously, it renders the same effect…RESENTMENT.
Someone we say we love should NEVER be forced to choose having your love and support over having their dreams. There is a way to have BOTH.
The scary part is that most of the time we may be infringing on the dreams of others in order to fulfill a dream of our own. Partnership, parenting, marriage should reflect the desire to help each other build fulfilling lives for all parties involved. You’ve got ONE life ( that we know of ). LIVE IT…to the FULLEST!
BUILD on your dreams and on the dreams of those you love…TODAY!
With that being said, I encourage you all to really listen to what she is saying, especially when trying to evaluate your current situation. Take a step back and really try to recognize what it is that you want to do and whether or not the person you are with is helping you or hindering you; also think about whether or not you are hindering them. Stop trying to force relationships to work. Stop trying to rush to be with someone or be married or to have children. Everything will come when the time is right. For me, the time isn’t right now and my ex definitely wasn’t the one. Best of luck to him anyway, I hope that one day he truly finds himself before things destruct, especially around the life of that innocent little baby.
Source | Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Facebook