Relationship Problems? Ask His BFF…..Right?

Posted Nov 10, 2011 by Freshhh in Dating
Shortly after me and lil ex-bookie first started talking, I was introduced to his best friend and college roommate, A, who was visiting from Florida. Initially when I met him, my goal was simple: If I impress him, he will sice me to his boy and I will be a shoe-in for the role of leading lady in his life. Well, hindsight is 20-20 and it’s crazy how things ended up working out…

My first impression of his boy was that he was loud, hyper, and a jokester who kind of annoyed me; he said my head was big within an hour of meeting him and that I reminded him of his ex, all after I was already mad that what I thought would be boo time turned into three’s company. Buuuuut he was someone I could smoke and kick it with nonetheless; this should make my boo happy. Afterall, what man doesn’t want his best friend and girl (/potential girl) to get along famously?

After that rendezvous, that was it. We followed each other on twitter and he returned back to the 954. As things started getting shaky for me and boo, I had tweeted something and A ended up hitting me up about where my snide, cold tweet came from. This sparked a dialogue that wasn’t meant for a 140 character direct message. We exchanged numbers and he called me to see what was up; he could tell I was caught in this whirlwind of emotion over his boy.

Most of the conversation was spent with me getting all into my feelings, even crying, over what had happened with his boy. I think he could sense how hurt I was and how much I truly liked his friend. I was in a place where I liked someone so much but wasn’t happy with our situation; I was feeling neglected and unimportant to someone that I could see myself getting serious in the long-term. A was able to see where I was coming from, and even admitted that his boy probably could have handled shit a bit better; this was comforting because I couldn’t have agreed more.  The phone conversation really helped me to gauge where boo might be coming from while simultaneously helping me to realize I was getting so emotional over a man who probably doesn’t give a fuck.

The next morning, I was telling my girl about my convo with A and she immediately reprimanded me for discussing things with him since he was naturally bias and always going to be on his boy’s team regardless of any wrong-doing. As much as I understood her point of view, I felt it was beneficial for me to get the opinion of someone who truly knows this man I’m trying to GET to know. All of my friends want the best for me and tell me boo is a dickhead that I should ditch, and even though they might be right, they too were being bias towards me. I wanted to hear the opinion of someone who might know more of what my boo was thinking. I don’t know why I trusted him, but I wholeheartedly know A would have told me the truth, even if it was something I didn’t want to hear; I know he could hear it in my voice how serious I was about this. I was hurt that I put so much time and effort into someone who wasn’t even trying to give me the time of day.

Despite his opinion on the situation, a part of me also wanted to talk to him in hopes that he might drop a line/hint to his friend to snap him out of his own little world and make him realize I’m a good fit for him and someone he shouldn’t push away with his actions or, in this case, lack there of. I’m glad A understood me and where I was coming from. His boy is so stubborn that when I was screaming through my tears a few nights before he was hearing me but not feeling me.. and I think his friend heard me and felt my pain.

The question I raise is: Is there an invisible line that should be drawn between girls/girlfriends and their man’s friends? Should we never have exchanged numbers? Was my conversation, as my girl said, really inappropriate? Was it a mistake for me to disclose my feelings to his boy? I don’t know…. But I do know that I don’t regret it… in fact, he talked to me about some girl issues he was facing and it was nice to develop a little friendship with him.. more than the obligatory rapport we have to have since I’m dating (/attempting to date his friend). I definitely wasn’t sold on him when I met him, but now I see a whole different side of him that I really like and it was nice to have someone (other than my friends) to talk to about the situation I was going through. I hope even if things don’t work out with me and homie (which as it stands now, may not- even though I still have a shitload of hope), that me and his boy can still be friends and keep in touch… I wouldn’t want to burn a bridge… especially not one that helped me get over the river of tears I cried.

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