Real Deal-Breakers….or Shallow Preferences?

Posted Apr 14, 2011 by Freshhh in All Articles
One of my good male friends tends to hit me up for a female’s perspective every now and then, and I take this opportunity to not only eagerly to give my point of view (what a surprise!), but also get some insight as to how guys view relationships and their personal approach of women.

Sometimes we feel we are being over-critical of the people we date, but at the end of day, we all have our individual deal breakers, and we shouldn’t always have to defend WHY we have them. My friend thought he would sound super shallow by telling me this since he enjoyed this female’s company, felt she was pretty, well-educated, etc. However, her sense of style wasn’t exactly the greatest. Not that she tried hard to be stylish, he stated that she just sort of “did her own thing, regardless” and sometimes it was a little too much for him. I reassured him that he was definitely not being shallow. Even if it sounds like it, there are some things that bother some more than others, and I feel like we have to go with our gut on these things.

However, are we being too picky? Or are these “deal breakers” legitimate reasons to end a relationship…or fail to begin one, for that matter. It seems crazy that my friend would be hesitant to get involved with this great female over something as silly as her whacky style, right? Well, not necessarily. If she dresses in a manner that brings odd stares and excess attention, maybe that makes others she is around feel uncomfortable or insecure. These “shallow” deal breakers might not be as shallow as we think they are once we stop to think about WHY we feel like we do.

Last night, I realized some of my deal breakers are actually deeper than just physical appearances (go figure) and the obvious character flaws (bad manners, etc.). While out with my best friends, I came across a guy I used to be interested in (See “Signals More Mixed Than I Am” below), and since we haven’t spoken since shit went down, I decided I wouldn’t make any effort to approach him until I was able see how things went. Well good thing I didn’t because he was swarmed by a sea of females. Despite no real fallout between us and the fact that I’m not the jealous type, I have to say that it still rubbed me the wrong way. I was exposed to his endless grinding and boo-caking with the trashiest, fake-booty havin chick I have ever seen. I immediately let go of all the good feelings I harbored for him and thought to myself “YUCK, WHAT A FUCKING DEAL BREAKER”….

If that’s the kind of girl he is now interested in, where the hell did I ever come into play? I’m the complete opposite of her. Not to mention I am prettier and carry myself a helluva whole lot better. But I was grossed out and realized that even if he were to hit me up again and want to start talking, I would have to decline. I am no longer attracted to him.

It made me realize that deal breakers come in many forms. Whether or not anyone else understands why these things turn you off isn’t really important; what matters is how they make you feel. Sometimes people can have a million qualities you are looking for, but that one quality you don’t care for can be the deal breaker that stops you in your tracks and changes your course. You’ll know when it’s right and meant to be…because at that point, those same deal breakers that once haunted you will no longer exist, believe it or not…funny how even if those things were to blame for every failed relationship in your past, they somehow seem to go by the wayside for the right ONE.

And just in case you were wondering….

 MY TOP THREE DEAL-BREAKERS (guaranteed to make me despise you):

 1)      Asking me to send you a “sexy pic”

2)      Sweating me TOO much/ getting jealous of male friends

3)      Thinking you got it LIKE THAT (cause odds are, you don’t)

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