Open Marriage? Friend or Foe?

Posted Sep 19, 2010 by Freshhh in All Articles
My Gchat got an extra burst of excitement the other day when, out of the blue, a friend hit me with the question: “Do you think you could have an open marriage?”

What a good question. I replied that I could probably have an open relationship, depending on the terms and circumstance, but marriage is something I take seriously and do not see the point in being married if the relationship is open. He told me he had gotten just about an even amount of Yes and No answers. I asked him what he thought and he told me the following:

“I am a firm believer that 90% of men do not cheat for emotional reasons. Also those same men will love their spouse even though they are laying with someone else. I mean genuinely LOVE, not lust or just stuck in a relationship because of some kids. For a man it is very easy to separate Emotion from Sex. But could I do it, I would have to say only if my spouse was cool with it, I refuse to convince someone to do something that they do not want to do, even if they end up liking what ever you convince them to do, or even if it is good for them. It is selfish also they will always remember that you made them do something they didn’t want to do.”

I definitely agree with this. I think men cheat for variety in their sex life whereas most females cheat because they are emotionally unsatisfied (even though physical sparks fade as well). However, I think women also make too many attempts to rekindle or salvage a failed relationship and when that doesn’t work they stay with their man but seek another option, but that is a different story. Men cheat more often than women do, but women do it better. I always find these topics interesting, particularly because I feel like I have a man’s mentality most of the time. I think separating sex and emotion is smart in most cases, but can always backfire. I know men that love two women at the same time, for different reasons, and that’s when things start to get sticky.

But how can you marry someone knowing that you’d be willing to have an open relationship if your spouse was down? I think once you put that ring on, you need to give certain shit up. Granted, I am not a huge fan of marriage in the first place. I think it is an unnecessary title that gets people into trouble more times than not; makes them feel trapped and causes infidelity and ultimately heartbreak and divorce. If you do choose to take that step, open relationships go out the door. If you are simply dating someone and have an open relationship, that’s a little more appropriate. And if you both decide to be able to “see” or mess with other people, what if one of you does it more than the other? Will the other one get jealous? Are there rules? Where is the line drawn? All types of mess.

I think this is why I’ll stay single. I am in an open-relationship with myself.

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