Ok, I’m Over You…But, Ya Boy’s Cute…

Posted Jul 23, 2010 by Freshhh in Dating
So, I have come to the conclusion that the guy I really like….doesn’t like me. And ya know what? It’s cool. I think I realized that I liked him SOOOO much just because, of all the options I had, he was the best one. Not that the sex wasn’t great and I didn’t have a legit interest in him, but forcing something into existence definitely isn’t the move. I guess I don’t really “date” anymore….in fact, I don’t think I ever did.  Ok, ok…some little dates here and there, but nothing consistent. When I was younger I used to have these dreams of dating different guys (and nooooo, not sleeping with a shitload of men, I mean actual fun little dates) and trying to figure out what characteristics from all of them I like and dislike; its all about knowing what you want and don’t want when you are trying to find someone that fits with you. I kind of wish I was able to do more of that.  I think a lot of men are so concerned with getting in my pants, that the fun date (no obligation afterwards, initially) step is always skipped. I haven’t been “courted” traditionally in a very long time, I miss those days when kissing was enough and relationships were about enjoying someone’s company and not strictly about sex (although it is an important part of any relationship, I feel like its EXPECTED now, and I hate that).

But ANYYYYYWAYYYY… I got invited out on a date (legit, a DATE…dinner, chillin, etc.) by a guy who is very cute and I definitely have an interest in (and I made it clear, I’m not sleeping with him off the bat, and he was cool with that and convinced me he really is trying to get to know me…).  I have to admit, I kind of get butterflies thinking about it…I haven’t been respected or asked out like that in years. The problem is, he is kind of a friend of the guy aforementioned that things didn’t really work with.  I am kind of torn on what to do, and I am taking this first date as a  means to see if there is potential with Boo #2. If there is, I guess I can try and make a decision from there, but I don’t want Boo #1 to think I’m shady; after all, he didn’t want me (or at least never expressed any interest other than physical) so what’s wrong with me trying another route?? Just because I met Boo #2 through him, I don’t think it’s wrong of me to talk to him because its not like me and Boo #1 ever really DATED DATED…we essentially and unfortunately just fucked, despite maybe a little conversation or interest expressed (and everyone plays their role, which is what I do with him, but its not enough anymore).

The other part of this situation is, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I kinda want to hold out and see if something can happen with boo #1. Even though I’d probably be wasting my time, there is just something about him that kind of peaks my interest, and I know if I take a step with Boo #2, then my chances of maybe working things out with his friend (and I use the term “friend” loosely because they are not really FRIENDS, more like acquaintances—no CLOSE relationship; that would def be a no no, I know better than that) are gone for good.  So, is it worth it for me to try this, or no? I kind of feel like if no “movement” has happened with Boo #1 by now, the odds are now cut in half that it ever will. And even though a part of me still wants to wait it out, how long am I supposed to wait to get a reaction out of this man?! Even if he were to express a little interest in getting to know me, I know he is not quite looking for the same things I am right now (which is fine) and things would probably just fizzle out from there. Boo #2 on the other hand is kind of looking for a chick… and not like I want to get married tomorrow (because I DEF don’t), but I’m kind of looking for a main squeeze my damn self (it gets lonely over here, and sometimes its comforting to know you have that one person to kind of lean on, a snuggle buddy, someone to get to know and try and figure out). So the question is…AM I READY TO GIVE UP ON BOO #1? I don’t know… I think if things go well with this date tonight, I will be ready to make the switch, whether it’s to Boo #2 or someone else because I will finally realize that I can do this…

It’s def. a sticky situation, and I am walking on egg shells with this one…I just want to be happy…No matter WHO I THINK I like, I think the person that deserves me is the one that can make me smile and bring little joys to my life.  I don’t think I am complicated at all, only a little complex at times… but half the fun is getting to know me…time will tell, I will continue to wait patiently and continue to focus on building up my own stock… so you better buy now while its low….

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