No Ring, No String.

Posted Sep 18, 2010 by Freshhh in All Articles
Somehow last night I got into a conversation with one of my male friends about relationships. *Yawn* Of course. However, this time I was pleased to be talking to someone who was actually on the same page as I am. We basically discussed the fact that everyone around us seems to be getting married and whether or not this “love” is the REAL thing. Marriage is definitely a HUGE commitment, obviously….but at the end of the day, are you really ready for that step with your current partner at the age of, let’s say, 23-27? Seems a little bit premature. How can you have lived your life completely enough to know that this person (whom you have probably only known a brief time, say 1-4 years) is the person you want to spend the REST of your life with?!

My friend and I began thinking about how many people we know that have gotten married at such a young age and appear to be happy, but at the end of the day, they have not yet experienced their youth and find themselves starting to not only regret being married, but also having to cheat or lie to have fun without their spouse because they feel trapped in this box they built around themselves.

Which leads me to discuss what I want and why I am the way that I am. I am 23 years old…fresh off a birthday. Why would I possibly be looking for a husband? Still considered a recent grad, I have only hit the tip of the iceberg in terms of me living my life. So many places I haven’t been, people I haven’t met, things I haven’t done. I cannot possibly make a commitment to someone for the rest of my life just yet. But I think a lot of people get this confused with me being on my “n*gga shit”. I love when guys tell me this. It makes me laugh because, in a way, I guess I am on some n*gga shit, but so what? Of course, “n*gga shit” being the single, monogamous fearing, sex kitten that I am. Fine. I’ll take that. But what they don’t understand is that I am not willing to jump into a relationship with someone that’s not a good fit for me. I have personally CHOSEN to be single for so long because the last few attempts at a relationship failed miserably. I somehow either end up with a guy who’s on his own shit too or with the complete opposite: a guy who is clingy and overly affectionate and wants to wife me up because he is obsessed with the fact that he thinks I am “perfect” (And I am definitely NOT perfect, just independent and comfortable in my own skin).

Anyway, I think my lifestyle works out wonderfully. Instead of having one man that I am constantly with (and increasingly bored of), I choose to have “lighter” relationships with a couple of different people. I am sure you are now wondering WHY I do this and HOW it works. Let me explain. I am a multi-faceted person. I get tired of routine things and too much exposure to the same person too quickly. So I have a couple (not a lot, just a couple) of guys in my rotation. These guys are all different from each other (personality-wise) and in different places. I take advantage of the opportunities to travel and getting to spend some time with each of them. Of course, when I am home I speak to them all daily (some more than others) and legitimately like all of them….for different reasons. I think each one of them brings out something different in me and I like that. I also like the loose commitment. When I see you, I see you, and when I don’t, I don’t. It’s that simple. There is an understanding that we each have other people, but also a mutual respect and like for one another. I feel in my element this way and I don’t have to feel smothered by a definitive boyfriend. Not to mention that switching up your sex life is always a plus. Variety is the spice of life.

I think this is part of why I am single. Of course, I want a relationship with someone, but I am in no rush to get into something I am unsure of with someone I am unsure of. Part of my downfall is that I know what I want. We all have a list of things we would like in a partner, and I must say that my list is pretty brief (I am pretty easy to please if you do the right things). I just know that I have not found this yet. I am fortunate to have options that are great, albeit not EXACTLY what I am looking for, but fill the void for now. I have to remember to not get caught up in the fact that having a good, steady relationship is nice, but if there are things that make you weary, it isn’t worth it.

It is always best to just keep everyone in their own lane. I am comfortable in this way of doing things, and I think more people should try it. Experimenting (yikes, I hate calling it that) with seeing different people can be exactly what you need to make sure you find which characteristics you are really looking for in a mate. I have been able to pinpoint certain habits and personality traits that I like and dislike and I am now in a better place to weed out the DECEPTICONS and focus my efforts on those worth my time and energy (less chance you’ll get hurt too). When I legitimately have a crush on someone now, I can see myself with them, and that’s a good feeling. (Note: If I ever crush on you, you now know you must be special and I consider you worth it.)

Just a thought though. Switch it up, see how you like it.

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