Nice Guys Finish….NEVER.

Posted Apr 12, 2011 by Freshhh in All Articles
So it’s been three weeks since I met this guy through a friend. He’s cute, friendly, polite, and even though he lives in Miami, he makes it a habit to hit me up everyday and check in. Great! I love a man who makes an effort to reach out…but there’s a little problem… HE’S BORING AS FUCK!

Let me back it up real quick. First of all, I love playing the “getting-to-know-you” game, particularly with new love interests. However, some people try to play the game but do not know the rules or, more importantly, the little cheat tactics that get you to the advanced levels. This process is important in relationships because it builds the foundation and establishes your rapport with each other. Basically, this isn’t the time to fuck up (not like there’s ever a time when fucking up is a positive feat…) because if you don’t lay a solid foundation, the house is gonna be a piece of shit. Anyway… I have come to realize that social media and technology alike have made the game almost un-winnable. Trying to get to know someone via text, bbm, facebook, twitter, etc. sucks, especially if it’s all you have to rely on when trying to get to know someone who lives elsewhere.

Now, my dilemma really has nothing to do with the actual “getting-to-know-you”, its more to do with WHO is involved. So back to my boring buddy. I can say that I really don’t know too much about him yet, but the fact that he hits me up daily to see how I am is something I love; if you’re hitting me up, you’re obviously thinking about me…even for a second. BUT when he shoots me a bbm, we play the same ol boring back and forth exchange of whack messages:

Him: Hey are you?

Me: Hey!! I’m great! Just at work are you? Did your weekend go well? What did you do?

Him: Im good babe. How are you?

*blank stare*

His responses suck. I find myself bored to tears from his lack of detail and reluctantly just X’ing out of the chat. I try to give him some questions to field in hopes of getting to know more about him, but his answers are short, not very interesting, and don’t leave me wanting more…or anything, for that matter. It’s ridiculous because I know he’s somewhat interested (and interesting, based on when I met him) and he obviously wants to chat with me, but I can’t quite grasp why exactly I would want to talk to someone that appears to have little to no personality when we talk? Am I supposed to just settle with this because his intentions are good and he makes a great effort?

I struggle with this because I have realized that the men who I truly would like to get to know don’t ever make the effort to initiate the conversation with me. I feel this is partially because I tend to like these stubborn, spoiled douche bags that feel like reaching out is beyond them/my job. Granted, I don’t mind making the initial effort, but there’s no way I should be expected to always reach out first (Not only would I feel like a pest, but I want to know you’re thinking about me as well). It’s kind of discouraging that the only guys that are making an effort are boring and really have nothing to say, while the guys I know I’d have excellent conversation with are too lazy and bougie to drop me a line. However, despite all of their short-comings, I still end up doing all of the work for the guy I like, and the nice guy doesn’t even get a fair shot because I just end up losing interest. I basically am fueling this terrible cycle by going out of my way all of the time, but should I let my interest fizzle because the guy I like isn’t up on his routine text game?

All these questions….and NO FUCKING ANSWERS. I suppose I can just add this to the list of “Things I Wish Were Different But Won’t Ever Be”? I hate that list… it appears to be growing exponentially and not showing any signs of stopping….Good thing I know how to roll with the punches…

NOTE TO MEN: Don’t be THIS guy!! If you’re going to engage in a conversation with a female you’re interested in, please make it worth her time. No one feels like playing this stupid game, and if you force me to play, you’re not going to win.

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