Letter To My Ex

Posted Jun 7, 2012 by Freshhh in All Articles

Well. It’s been a full two weeks since we have spoken. The only emotion I seem to harbor as a result of this break-up is disappointment. I am truly disappointed in you, and more so in your actions. It’s unsettling to think that after all we had been through, whatever issues you had on your mind, weighing down your heart, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to discuss openly with me. Instead, you ran. You ran from our reality and you chose to attempt to handle your problems alone. I am still in the dark as to what it really was that bothered you and, to be honest, I no longer care. For you to fabricate something about me that was beyond out of character for me and to try to blame me for something I had nothing to do with was, initially, heartbreaking. But the more I replay it in my head, and the more times I have to explain to people what happened, I realize that this was simply a sign from God that you were not the one, and I am grateful for your true colors appearing before it was too late. Instead of being offended at your truthfully hurtful words and actions, I was still on your team… convinced that all this would pass and you would finally open up to me about what the real issues were. Unfortunately, you never did.

What I want you to realize is that in the real world, running from your problems won’t get you anywhere. You think you’re a man, yet you legitimately refuse to face things head-on. I encourage you to reevaluate your problem solving skills immediately; we are all adults and you didn’t even think you owed your soon-to-be live-in girlfriend a face-to-face conversation? Absurd. However, I now realize that all of that would have been too much for you. Having to admit your own flaws, dishonesty, jealousy, and having of cold feet was just too much for you and your pride to handle. I urge you to work on those flaws, find who you truly are, and decide what exactly it is you want. Trust me when I tell you that the next woman you try to pull this with won’t be as cordial, accepting, or as self-sufficient as I am… and your actions will come back to haunt you even more so than my absence from your life will.

For your sake, all I can hope is that this mess taught you a lesson or two. You should learn to be grateful for those people that visibly sacrifice for you because not everyone will and it’s a surefire way to gauge someone’s commitment, especially when they continue to try to appease you despite your failure to reciprocate with sacrifices or actions of your own. Secondly, you need to learn how to get over your paranoia that everyone is always out to get you; if someone has blatantly shown a commitment to you, try to trust in that. Thirdly, don’t ever feel like the issues you are concerned with are ever too small or petty to not talk to your partner about. Communication is of utmost importance and you need to start trusting that your ideas and feelings will be received in the best manner possible; always give them the benefit of the doubt. Lastly, don’t do or say things out of anger that you will regret; I realized you were speaking out of anger and trying to be spiteful because you were hurt…you can’t take words and actions back, so be careful…people will remember this ugly trait of yours long after they forget your positive ones. I hope you work on some of these things, it will make you a better person in the long run and the next woman you get involved with will appreciate your maturation. And I will never harbor any negativity or resent you because I sympathize with you and know that there are things that you have to work on and I know it hasn’t been easy for you to admit; I completely understand. Admission of these problems is the first step…and what a huge step it can be!

Despite your behavior, I thank you. I thank you for the good times and more so for the lesson learned. Thank you for giving me the gull to finally leave my job and pursue my masters; I had been trying for so long to take that step. And finally, thank you for helping me to be even more secure in myself than I was before. Our tumultuous break-up was nothing but beneficial for me; it not only showed me truly how resourceful and self-sufficient I am (particularly in a crisis), but it showed me that I am indeed more than capable of giving up so much of me if and when the right person does come along.  I always used to feel that my independence would come back to haunt me, that I would never be convinced enough or ready to endure these kind of life changes for anyone…let alone a man. And although we didn’t work out, you made me better for the next man and long-term relationship when they come along. I am already beyond excited to meet him and use all of the lessons I learned as a result of the present situation; I will never consider you or us a mistake.

Best of luck to you in the future. I won’t ever forget you and I know you won’t forget me or the great times we shared.  And don’t worry… I know you regret everything about how you handled this and wish you had apologized and resolved it before it was too late… it’s ok… just try to learn from your mistakes and do better next time.


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