Is It REALLY Now or… NEVER?!

Posted Nov 18, 2010 by Freshhh in All Articles
According to an article that I read today, 4 in 10 Americans believe marriage is becoming obsolete, and based on dwindling statistics in the marriage arena, this seems to be true. Which leaves me to wonder….Is it now or NEVER?!

Funny this article popped up because I was just pondering this question a week or so ago when talking to my friend about her current relationship status. It seems she has a fear of being alone. At 24. Seems pretty absurd, but she is legitimately concerned with the fact that if she doesn’t find someone worth marrying NOW, then she will probably NEVER find them. Her argument, as ridiculous as it might seem, may make some sense. As women, the clock is really against us. Aside from the fact that we can only have children, safely, before a certain age, studies show that once a woman turns 30, her chances for finding a husband significantly diminish. Of course, for men, there is really no sense of urgency for finding a mate before a certain age and that can lead men to fall into a comfortable routine that probably involves numerous women, lack of feelings, and no desire to commit.

So in a world where all the aforementioned are present and women mature faster than men…what is the right age to look for a long-term mate? Personally, I can’t even imagine trying to get married until I am well into my 30’s. However, having children AND/OR serious relationships before the 30 year old age mark seem to be more reasonable for me than marriage. I also believe strongly in developing yourself and your career before you can begin your search for a life partner. It is important to make sure you are completely comfortable in your own skin and are at a place in your life where a seamless integration of another person in your lifestyle is not only desired but feasible as well.

With that being said, I think we need to call off the search party. Just stop looking. Love…the good, honest, meant-to-be kind will come when it’s meant to come and, not for nothing, but some of us might be the kind of women that meets someone in our 40’s and finds perfect love then… you can’t put a time on it because you’re setting yourself up for failure or straight disappointment when your fairytale expectations don’t come true.

One thing I have learned when it comes to these things is that YOU CANNOT WATCH WATER BOIL. Constantly focusing on the opposite sex and not on yourself creates a lack of interest in you because no one wants a partner who isn’t on top of their shit. Even if you are emotionally available, minimal personal development and no excitement in your life devalues your stock and makes you unappealing to others.

My friend and I discuss this often and she sometimes questions why guys may appear to be interested in casual relationships with her but aren’t dying to take the next step and jump into a relationship, citing that she thinks the fault lies within her. Although she is a great person, I explain that many men, ESPECIALLY at this age, are not ready to get super serious with someone. And if there is anything I have learned in my short time on this Earth, I have realized that you cannot force a guy to do anything he doesn’t want to do. If they do not want to do it, they won’t. And at the end of the day, if what they decide they want (or don’t want) to do doesn’t suit you, then you just need to move on. Forcing someone into something will only leave you feeling like shit because you know their heart isn’t in it and I think that hurts more than the rejection would.

My heart goes out to her. She is such a hopeless romantic and I have to admit, I am low key like that too. We all want the ideal situation but there comes a time when you have to realize that AS NICE AS IT IS its not realistic AT ALL… and yea, it will be nice if it happens but you can’t go into every situation or relationship with that as your end goal because you will only be disappointed and when the relationship ends (to which many more will before you get married) you will have this hangover feeling afterwards that will leave you feeling terrible and without closure in the end. For example, if you go into a night of drinking pacing yourself and not mixing liquor, you prevent the hangover the next morning. Same goes for relationships. If the bar is set to 3 and he ends up being a 5, then great, but you set it on 10 and he’s a 5 you’re gonna be pissed.

The moral of the story is: DO YOU and DON’T OVER ANYLYZE OR QUESTION ANYTHING. Everything happens for a reason and if you are meant to find love and/or get married, it will happen. Until that time comes, you have to focus your energy and efforts on bettering yourself and enjoying your life to the fullest extent while you’re single, childless, and able to do so. End the quest for a partner and let nature take its course. Trying to fill the void you may have with sub-par people you meet these days is pointless and a lot of extra added stress, not to mention energy taken off of yourself and your life goals. Think about it: If your car is running on E, putting water in the tank might put the gauge back up to F but it’s not going to get you anywhere and, in the long-run, will only burn out your engine….

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