How Open Is TOO Open??

Posted Aug 15, 2011 by Freshhh in All Articles
Ahhhh.. the infamous “open relationship”. This topic has been buzzing in the past weeks since beloved songstress Jill Scott took to twitter to gauge people’s opinions on something she herself has been considering. Of course most people immediately responded that open relationships are the devil and serve no purpose, but many others began sharing their personal successes with this “devil”. Of course, I am open to anything (pause) and started thinking about what I would do if presented with this option… there are definitely pros and cons to this, as there are with everything, and it’s surely not for everyone.

Although I would initially write them off, open relationships are the chosen route for some of Hollywood’s most successful couples…and if it works for Will and Jada, why not give it a second look? Of course, the only thing I can think about when it comes to this topic is the fact that I would have to share my man (aka his DICK) with someone else. I never liked sharing my crayons in kindergarten and I sure as hell wouldn’t particularly care to share my boo. But it IS human nature to be attracted to other people, and if your man is only going to be tempted to cheat anyway, why not give him the permission to explore those temptations? WELLLLLL…. This is a recipe for jealousy in my cookbook. As much as we would hate to admit it, and as much as I am comfortable in my own mind & body, I would be one salty ass chick.

If you ignore your initial thoughts of jealousy, you have to ask the million dollar question: DO THEY WORK?? Is it possible for both the man and woman to feel comfortable with this arrangement, and if so…what ground rules should be established? The following are the top 5 rules I believe are crucial for an open relationship to work:

  1. Both parties have to be in it to win it. If you’re trying to be in an open relationship to satisfy your partner, it will never work. Your insecurity, jealousy, and fear of them finding a better partner will eat you alive. Don’t say this is what you want if it really isn’t/ if you are not willing to also be open to new partners.
  2. Agree as to the amount of information you will each disclose to each other about your hook-ups. TOO many specific intimate details make it hard to keep your feelings out of it and to be honest… who really wants to hear that shit?!
  3. Continue to do all the right things with your partner regardless of whom else they are intimate with. If your sex life is suffering, what’s keeping them in an open relationship with you…they might as well go on ahead and date the side piece. You have to keep your relationship juicy!
  4. Only attempt the open relationship with your SPOUSE/ love of your life. Casual dating (especially when you are looking for something more serious with this person) is not the right time to allow your bf/gf to be messing with other people. It should only be done with someone you know is dedicated to you whole-heartedly and committed to sharing their life with you.
  5. If at any time you want out of the open relationship, let your partner know. We all grow out of things, and this is surely a contender for that list. Refer to #1.

I think if the situation presented itself, I may be all for an open relationship. If I were married to the man of my dreams, father of my children, etc. and we were strong and secure in our relationship, maybe it would be fitting. I feel as though people would ask “well if you two have such a great relationship, sex life, etc. than why would you need to search for others elsewhere?” and I don’t think it becomes a search for other people. It’s a privilege that you give to your partner trusting that they won’t abuse it and will use it in moderation. The idea is to give them the freedom, if they so choose, but knowing they probably won’t feel the need to use it. As they say… the grass always looks greener on the other side….until you hop over that fence…

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