How Long Should You Wait Before Rekindling With An Ex?

Posted Jan 9, 2012 by Freshhh in Dating

As a new year begins, I can’t help but begin to evaluate my love life and find that I am drawing a lot of interest from a couple of men I dated in the past. Now, I know I should be leaving all them fools in the dust and concentrating on some new prospects (whom I have yet to find), but I am a little intrigued to see what they have to offer now that some time has gone by.

But the question still remains: How long should you wait before rekindling with an ex?

Before I continue, let me clarify two things. First, when I say “ex” I mean any man/woman you were officially in a relationship with, as well as those that you “talked to” extensively. Secondly, I don’t ever condone getting back together with someone who ever cheated on you, abused you, or ended up fucking/dating someone close to you after your relationship ended.

Now, I am a firm believer in a person’s ability to change. Whether it’s for better or worse, people change over time.  And I also believe that if your relationship ended cordially and for reasons neither of you could control (distance, jobs, schedules, etc.) then it’s normal for you to ponder getting back together. Sometimes you just see someone after a while of no contact and once you catch up, you begin to remember all of the positive traits that initially attracted you to him or her.

I think there is definitely an amount of time that must pass, perhaps at least a year, before you can really consider a second chance at a relationship with someone.  You have to give them ample time to outgrow the shit you couldn’t stand, or at least give yourself enough time to show you can handle and accept their idiosyncrasies. More importantly, you have to be realistic about the past and agree to start from scratch. You can’t afford to be in denial because there was indeed a reason you parted ways initially, and once you can admit, accept, and forgive, you can move on with a clean slate. I believe it is also necessary to make sure you are open and honest with this person and let them know what you’re thinking; you have to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings so that they know where you stand, as well as what things they may need to work on in order to please you and make the second chance effort work.

An old actress by the name of Mae West once said ”All discarded lovers should get a second chance, but with somebody else.” Maybe she was right, but maybe she was wrong. Perhaps I am just in such a drought that I am revaluating my ex lovers in hopes of finding something worth rekindling. I need a new love interest quick…. Before I turn to an ex and convince myself it’s ok to make the same mistake twice…


Related Readings:

Men: Top 10 Ways To Get Her Back via AskMen

Ladies: How To Know If An Ex Deserves A Second Chance via

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One Comment


    It’s hard to find knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks.

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