He’s Not Your Real Boyfriend

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Posted Jul 25, 2012 by Freshhh in All Articles

I habitually browse several other blogs because I find their writers to be hilarious and frequently on point. Today, I came across this article entitled “He’s Not Your Real Boyfriend” which talks about the different situations women put themselves in with men who aren’t their real boyfriend. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about… those men you spend a lot of time with but never take the next step, then spend time trying to figure out what to do because as much as you want to move on, you don’t want to lose them as a friend or a potential boo. The article is kind of long, but is a pretty interesting read. Peep some excerpts from various parts of the blog post below:

I’ve found that many women are afraid to speak up, so they choose the last answer. Girls hold all the power, but for some reason they don’t want to rock the boat by communicating their feelings. “If I tell him how I feel, I’ll turn him off“. Hold the fuck up. Wanting to be his girl is going to make him distance himself and not be your “friend”? Good, because that means he didn’t fuck with you like that anyway. Let’s pretend you play it the coward way and keep your mouth closed and suppress those emotions. You fail.

No woman wants to seem like she’s weak, dick whipped, and waiting on a man to decide if she’s good enough for the title. So they created “The Friend” or “My Friend” label, which protects her from being thought of as a dummy that’s being used. “I don’t care what he’s out there doing, girl, he’s just my friend, it ain’t that serious” two minutes later she’s in bed playing Melanie Fiona confused as to why her Friend doesn’t want to settle down and be her man. The Friend is like a boyfriend without the exclusive rights. He’s everything she wants in a man but the only thing holding her back from making it official is that mutual agreement of “I belong to you“. Unlike the hated Friendzone, when a girl describes you as “My Friend” you hear the excitement and you know what it’s code for. Men purposely get into the Friend category so they can get the milk without buying the cow

The Jump-Off Friendship: One excuse this girl gave was that once it passes a certain period, a Friends With Benefits situation should end and relationship discussions should start. In other words, she wanted her pussy to be promoted for its hard work. You have the right to renegotiate the arrangement, but do you really think a man who’s had his fill of you for a year without having to work for anything is emotionally invested in being your man? The bigger question is can you trust a man who would agree to that kind of arrangement in the first place? The thing to remember is that while a man can learn to love his jumpoff for what she provides, he rarely falls in love with her.

The Give-It-Time Friendship: If you have things keeping you apart, then getting pass those things should be your focus, not keeping the romantic fire lit. You’re not ready for him to be your boyfriend because you’re out of state and it wouldn’t be fair, yet you’re on the phone every night with him cupcaking, having phone sex, and making future plans. You’re doing exactly what you said wasn’t fair. He’s still a free agent, just like you, but the way you two carry on it doesn’t feel like it. It can be all good for a minute, but what happens when he gets busy and doesn’t call as much, or takes longer to return texts? Paranoia… You’re not platonic friends, the only reason you talk is because you are attracted to each other. If you can’t act on those feelings then you should keep a safe distance until the time is right.

There comes a time when a grown woman can no longer afford to play with The Friend. Unless you want to graduate to Mimi status and be a main bitch to a nigga who carries his sideline hoe’s pregnancy test in his pocket, you have to get in the habit of demanding more from these niggas. You deserve a real boyfriend, so why settle for a practice one? It’s not about pressuring him for a relationship, it’s about coming clean to the guy you like and having the power to walk away if he’s not looking for the same thing. Don’t waste years of your life in the name of friendship.  Dude didn’t grow up with you, your bond wasn’t built on years of unconditional love, that nigga wasn’t with you shooting in the gym sitting in the salon. That chubby nigga who loans you money and sat for hours while you got that full weave put in, he’s the real platonic friend; he’s the guy you can’t afford to lose. The hole in your heart won’t be from the loss of his friendship, it’ll be from the loss of what he represented– LOVE. You want a man. Stop pretending you don’t and start going after what you crave. You might get rejected, it may not work out, but it’s better to go after the man you want than to lust after the friend you don’t need.

Original Blog Written By @8Plus9 From His Site Black Girls Are Easy

 

Another related read: 7 Types Of Non-BFs


About the Author

Freshhh

You wanna talk? I'll tell you all you need to know... as real as it can get.

One Comment


  1.  

    i loved your blog on he’s not really your boyfriend i was wondering if you could check out my blog just to let me know if you can publicly read it because i just set it up and i’m not sure if anyone else can see it. thanks in advance. i look forward to reading more blog from you.





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