GUEST BLOG | Everyone’s Engaged. Everyone But You!
The one year anniversary of my third serious relationship is coming up, and I tend to do some reflection when milestones occur. To name a few firsts: he’s 10 years older, I love his family, I moved in with him (big deal for me since I’ve flaked out in the past), we both have dogs that are like our kids and get along great, communication is our strongest point, there’s been no drama whatsoever, and we have our own little family. There have been several conversations that involve marriage and kids which terrify me a bit because, like most people, I want that commitment to happen once and last a lifetime. What also scares, but somehow amuses me are the girls who seem like they’re absolutely DYING to tie the knot.
I won’t lie, I’ve swooned and congratulated, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder how long the marriages will last. What makes me cringe though is the blatant desperation and absolute lack of shame exhibited on a regular basis. Thanks to Facebook and pinterest, some girls can throw not so subtle hints by posting large pictures of engagement rings and tagging their boyfriends on a monthly basis, with very little to no feedback from the poor guys, which I find hilarious. I actually have had conversations with girls who have confessed that they just want the big party and the attention, while other friends insist that it’s imperative that engagement occurs at the two year mark, because, well “If he likes it then he should put a ring on it!” Fuck you Beyonce. Hell, in a past relationship, I received a lame ass promise ring at a year and a half into dating. A promise to propose? Get the fuck out!
I know there are many things that contribute to the NEED to get engaged, by both men and women. In my case with the promise ring, he was naïve, I was his first serious relationship, and I took his V-card (I found this out after the breakup, and sooo many things suddenly made sense…bastard.) There are those who have had fucked up relationships early on, and when they meet the next best thing, think that it may BE their final chance at happiness. There’s the military, surprise babies and wanting to do the right thing, jealousy that ALL of your other friends are getting married while you’re living in sin, and feeling like there’s a ticking time clock that says you’re doomed if you’re not wed by 26. For those who are counting the years, months, hours that you’ve been together and hoping something clicks, or are simply haunted by arbitrary age related checkpoints, why the rush? If you’re anticipating him to get down on one knee after two years and he doesn’t, do you leave him, become more aggressive in your desperation, or take it as a learning experience and continue to let the relationship grow and evolve?
I know 7 people who are in their mid 20s and divorced. While that’s shitty fact collecting, it’s still a fact with urgency being the common denominator. Perhaps he needs more time to be as sure as possible, because it’s normal and natural to have a hint of doubt. Maybe he wants to pay off his student loans before he drops stacks on a ring, god forbid you’re high maintenance it’s not blingy enough! I definitely think that at 25, not married with no kids just may be a blessing in disguise. Don’t get me wrong, some people get married at 18 after 6 months if dating and are together till death. Others test the waters for five years then take the plunge and fail miserably. Everyone goes at his or her own pace for whatever reason. What makes me sad is the flamboyant desperation that leaks out during the summer and fall months when it seems like everyone is getting engaged or married. Everyone but you.
Guest Blog Written By Terri Isaac