Don’t Apologize For Things You Can’t Control
Today, my horoscope informed me that it would be wise to re-evaluate things and cut ties with the parts of myself that are either not working or are damaging to my relationships… even if I am fond of these traits because they “feed my ego”. As always, I find this to be right on point. As we push forth on our quest for a positive and successful new year, I have indeed decided that there were things I would have to change and/or give up if I hope to not only achieve the goals I have set forth for myself, but also if I intend to get involved in any type of serious relationship in the near future.
As I attempt to better myself by decreasing negativity, increasing productivity, and just flat out stop dealing with bullshit, I find that I am internally battling with what things I really NEED to give up. I have done a good job of exposing less of my personal business on twitter, not giving out my phone number to people I know I am not interested in, and grinding hard enough to hopefully be debt free within the next month. Overall, these things have been a smashing success, and I am proud of myself… even if none of y’all are.
Anyway… while I am focusing efforts on these things, I can’t help but realize that I have fallen short of some people’s expectations. As much as I am tempted to say FUCK YOU and keep it moving, I want to explain a little something. Now, as you can imagine, I am pretty fucking busy…and even though I stretch myself too thin 99% of the time between 2 jobs and a minimal social life, there are still some things I cannot do or events I cannot attend; I am only human. I really don’t appreciate when people don’t respect that, especially when they get frustrated with me over something they themselves cannot relate to.
Let me give you an example… So as you may know, I work a part-time job on the weekends. My Saturday and Sunday nights aren’t over until anywhere between 3 and 4am, leaving me absolutely exhausted and in no mood to want to do anything or deal with anyone but myself. Now, last weekend was a holiday Sunday and we were open an extra hour and a half… not to mention it was a fucking ZOO and I was pulled in 46328742 different directions by 34762 different people. Prior to the beginning of my shift, I had discussed a post-work sleepover with someone, and I was actually kind of excited to spend the night and subsequently my day off with him. However, by the end of working an extra hour longer than I had originally intended, I was in no mood to drive 45 minutes- 1 hour to go and visit him. Of course he left the door open for me and knocked out cold before I could inform him that I would be just driving the 5 minutes home instead of to his house. I also pitched the idea of me getting some sleep at home and then just coming out there in the morning and spending the day with him then. No response to my text. Not for 2 days.
So you’re mad at me? Ok, that’s cool. I can dig it. But you cannot possibly expect me to apologize for being EXHAUSTED after a hectic night and not wanting to drive AN HOUR at that exact moment; I just wasn’t feelin’ it. I got absolutely no credit for offering an alternative arrangement for the next day, which if you think about it, me sleeping at home from 4:30am-10am then coming out to spend the rest of the day with you (most likely in bed) is essentially the same as me arriving there at 5:30am and sleeping there.
So what’s the problem? Don’t you want to see me? Can’t we just attempt to work around my schedule like we work around yours? I cannot fathom how I am expected to apologize or feel guilty for being tired after working… as if I’m out partying or with another man instead. How else am I supposed to make extra money and pay these bills off? I need support, not unnecessary grief.
My point is: Don’t apologize for the things you cannot control. If, like me in this situation, you have not done anything particularly wrong, then stand firm in that. Offer an alternative option and if that isn’t good enough, don’t stress yourself out. Continue to do what you need to do despite any opposition or the cranky opinions of others. Stretching yourself beyond exhaustion isn’t healthy, and the people who truly adore you and appreciate your hustle will ALWAYS understand. Don’t forget: Those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind.
And to my little friend: you missed out on what would have been a nice Monday. You can continue to be mad at me, I’m tapping out.