Call Me Serani…

Posted May 31, 2010 by Freshhh in Dating

Being I haven’t posted in quite a while (very busy, as you can
imagine), I’ve decided today’s series of events would be the
perfect place to pick up right where I left off…

I recently began thinking about the answer to the one question I get
the most often from men: “Why are you single?”… Let me begin by
saying that I HATE this question.  But as I started thinking about it,
I found that there are definitely reasons why I am single…by choice.

The biggest reason is the fact that, at the end of the day, I don’t
want to deal with any bullshit.  I must admit, I do love a
challenge….but at what point does that challenge become a burden?

Which brings me back to today. The Memorial Day holiday is supposed to
be full of BBQs and drankssss and pool parties, etc. I originally got
invited to several cookouts, all of which I planned on attending, but
I was presented with the potential opportunity to hang out with
someone I may be somewhat interested in. Immediately, I get all gassed
up….between two hectic schedules, it’s pretty hard to try and get
to know someone when you never have the time to see them. I am a firm
believer that, even with a busy schedule, if you REALLY want to make
time for someone, you’ll make it.  I was def. ready to cancel plans,
until I was apparently “cancelled” on first. I seemed to take an
invite to chill (or what was called a “loose plan”) too seriously,
when it really wasn’t.  As deceiving as I thought this was, I
realized that I am now in the same position I have put other people in
many, many times before; not wanting to make time for the people that
truly want to be around you. I was now on the other side of the fence,
and I guess I didn’t know how to handle it.  I can’t lie… at
first I was so fucking aggravated (why am I the only one trying to
take this seriously and mayyyyybe to another level?!)….but as I got
to thinking, I realized I was more hurt than anything (and even took
it a little personal). I think a lot of times I turn my internal pain
into a lot of external anger.

I am often told that I come off hard at times and that I need to “put
my guns down”, but when I try to do that, I feel like it isn’t well-
received. Now of course, this is just a guy and yea, there are plenty
others out there. I guess I got caught up in this one in particular
for some reason….I hate admitting that I kinda like someone, but let
me say….this one guy in particular made an extremely (and I mean
EXTREMELY) good first impression. But as I have come to realize,
sometimes those first impressions can be an inaccurate representation
of how a person really is. This is not only the case with people I
have come into contact with, but also with me. As much as I like to be
the tough guy, I do not like to be perceived as a cold hearted bitch
(although I can be if you fuck with me! Ha!) because I’m not…I am
really a sweet person once you take the time to get to know me. I
think that might be one of the traits about me that I try and work on
the most.  However, I just don’t like the idea of letting my guard
down initially and opening myself up to getting hurt.  I guess I feel
that if you can make it through that tough outer layer, then you
should be fortunate enough to have me at my best.

All in all, I’m not mad (although I may have originally appeared to
be).  No need to harbor those negative vibes. All things happen for a
reason and every experience is an opportunity to learn a new lesson
about yourself and how you interact with others. I do know one thing
for sure…I’m definitely over the game playing….either you want
it, or you don’t.

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