40 Days, 40 Habits You Should Break; Day #24: Being A Relationship Hypocrite
Bad Habit #24: Being a Relationship Hypocrite
What exactly is a hypocrite? By definition it’s a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings. In general, we all have instances of hypocrisy, and I think this is something we should all look to work on because usually these instances show that we are either not sure how we feel about a certain issue or that we are just in denial about something … both of which can eventually hinder our overall well being.
I think my point may be better explained with an example. So I know this guy (lets call him John) who is hopelessly infatuated with this girl Rebecca. Rebecca knows about John’s feelings for her and uses those feelings to manipulate him into helping her with work assignments and other things that he may be better at than she is. John has a friend (Chad) who consistently criticizes him (both to his face and behind his back) for not realizing that he is being taken advantage of and letting his feelings get the best of him. Of course Chad may seem like a concerned friend, but the problem is that Chad has his own situation brewing with Mary who has the same control over him as Rebecca has over John, albeit in a less malicious manner. It’s funny to me (and all of the other observers) that Chad can be so hypocritical in a situation he now finds himself in. Chad is in denial about the fact that this is happening to him because he continues to see himself in a higher light than he sees John and by admitting to being guilty of the same thing, he is forced to go back on all of the things he has criticized his friend John about.
My point is…sometimes in relationships we think we have it all figured out and that we ourselves would never fall victim to a lot of the things we deem “ridiculous” that others go through. A lot of times this comes up in the case of cheating; you see your friend get cheated on and tell her she needs to move on but then when your man cheats on you, it “ain’t the same” … oh, but it is the same. The truth is, we end up just as guilty as they are for letting these things happen to us and then search for reasons as to why our situation is not at all like the other. We then use this level of denial to pseudo-protect our feelings from getting hurt, when the reality is that we have to just admit to being wrong, accept that we will probably get hurt, and remove ourselves from the situation at hand instead of continuing to make excuses and be distracted by it.
The fact of the matter is: We spend so much time dissecting our friend’s problems and their decisions regarding their love lives that we hardly ever question our own. However, we are human and hypocrisy is inevitable in all of our lives. As long as you are mature enough to not always point the finger at others and to start pin pointing your own romantic inadequacies, then you will be that much closer to being able to truly examine your own relationship’s strengths and weaknesses and more importantly, you will be able to examine who you are as an individual. Be honest about your own dating faults and start being less judgmental and more tolerant of others. We’re only human and we will constantly make mistakes in our romantic lives because there is no such thing as the perfect relationship.
In case you missed it… Bad Habit #23: Name-Dropping