40 Days, 40 Habits You Should Break; Day #34: Spite
Bad Habit #34: Spite
I remember my first real experience with someone doing something out of spite against me. I had gotten into a fight with my boyfriend at the time, and out of spite he ended up leaving me at the airport the next day after as a way to “get back at me” for whatever hurt he felt. As a rationale human being, I couldn’t imagine how someone above the age of 5 could be so petty and fighting with a mentality of “tit for tat”. Aren’t relationships supposed to be full of communication and positive efforts to resolve the issues that arise? Whatever. All I know is at that point I realized how often we do things out of spite just because it seems to be in our best interest. Being vindictive may prove to be the bane of your existence; reasonably-minded people don’t like dealing with that shit, so they don’t. I can tell you one thing, after that fool pulled that shit with me, we never had contact again. Who has time for that kind of behavior, especially from an adult you are trying to have a relationship with? Spare me. I have no problem admitting my own hurt, but the fact that a majority of people tend to react in a malicious manner because they think that will make them feel less hurt is simply foolish. Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t work as easily as they intended it to. You will probably end up feeling even more hurt once you realize you have dug an even deeper hole surrounding the problem instead of just addressing it head on and coming up with a logical solution. What good does it do to try and hurt the other person? Two wrongs don’t make a right, do they? So stop feeling like you always need to have the upper-hand in your relationships; being hurt or upset doesn’t make you any less of a person compared to your partner. You have to stop thinking with the mentality of a “winner” and a “loser”; spite, not your hurt, turns you into the loser by default.
In order to combat this bad habit, you have to stop meeting anger with anger. Of course your initial reaction is to hurt them back, but that isn’t very thoughtful. You have to try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful and try to address the situation reasonably only after you have admitted to yourself that you are indeed hurt and want to go about the situation without causing any further hurt to yourself or the other party involved. Before doing or saying anything drastic, imagine your response said aloud before you say it or the potential consequences of it before you do it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t. If you don’t have what seems like the proper way to respond, DON’T!!
In case you missed it… Bad Habit #33: Playing the Blame Game